In Memory

I just want to share a few memories this week about my grandmother who passed away this past Sunday. She was 99 years young, and had lived a long and wonderful life. I have found that talking to her through the years, I was able to learn quite a bit about who I was, and maybe even why I was the person I had become. She was born and lived during a time in this country, when woman just did not do a lot of things that she was able to accomplish over the course of her long life. One of her early memories though, was losing her father to the influenza of 1918 when she was nine. This would have I think, an effect on her and her family for the rest of her life. She was raised by a loving mother who taught her a strong work ethic and also taught her how to make a living for herself. But, by the time she was in her twenties it was the great depression, so there were not many jobs to go around. This was also during prohibition as well, and she could remember seeing folks going into speakeasies to get illegal drinks. She never said she was in one of them, but now I am starting to wonder why she mentioned it. She married young like most women, only to divorce him after eight years at a time when divorces were a not very popular thing. She was to have only one child (my father) with him, knowing that having more would lead to further poverty in the middle of the depression. My grandfather did not seem to be a very good provider for her, she would say, and she ended up moving back in with her mother. She raised my Dad as a single mom when this was something also not very popular with most people. During the second world war, she would continue her pioneering ways and go on to work in a bank, not a factory. This was at a time when woman were not a very common sight in many executive type jobs. She ended up becoming an assistant vice president at that bank, and would retired after 31 years. Although she married again, she never had or wanted to depend on anyone else, for anything. She hated to burden the grand kids or any body else with anything other then maybe changing a light bulb in her house. She relished in her independence, something she must have learned from her mother. She always wore a smile on her face, and was quick with a witty comment. A trait that was passed on to my dad, and I feel down to me as well. She traveled a lot and saw most of the country from a Winnebago that she just adorned. She did this before settling down retired with her second husband in central Florida. I have many great memories of visited them at their home there. From fishing, to just getting to sleep out on the patio. She lived there until his death in 1978 and then my dad moved her up here to Atlanta. She lived by herself here, up to and around her 98th birthday, before being moved to assisted living. I was lucky she always lived closed by to me, and felt guilty if I did not visit her more often. I always enjoy talking with her about what it was like to grow up in such a different time period then me. She would at times, have a keen memory of events that had occurred so long ago that I just soaked up. She loved to read and was not a outwardly religious person, she keep her beliefs to herself and did not judge you for your own. She, like my father, never attended church regularly. When I would prod her about why she did not to seem the very religious type, she would always say something like "well, we were always to busy for that sort of stuff while growing up". She and her mother worked together making dresses during the twenties and must of also worked on Sundays as well to make ends meet. She never had a course word to say about anybody and I never once saw her lose her temper. I may have missed all of this as well, for she might have been a different person when she was younger. But, I doubt it very much. I do not think she would have lived such a long and harmonious life, without being the loving, tender, and kind person she was for the 43 years I knew her. She was already 56 when I was born. I was her fourth grand child and I was born on her birthday, November 20th. My parents decided on giving me as a middle name, her maiden name, as a sort of tribute to her. I was always kind of embarrassed by it as a kid and just wanted to have a normal sounding name like everybody else. Something to go with my very common first name. Now, I don't mind it as much, and sort of like hearing it because it is not very common name at all, especially here in the south. So in honor of grandmother, feel free to call me that name the next time you see me. It is a name I am now very proud to call myself. Only because of the type of woman she was and the life that she lived. One that influenced me more then I will ever imagine. One life that we would all hope to live ourselves. You can call me "Gridley" anytime, and I will gladly turn to you with a smile on my face. I love you grandma.

All good things.

Saw my medical oncologist today. Special thanks to Michelle B. and the boy's for the ride. Just a routine follow up to check on me and make sure all is going as planned. Blood counts were fine and the weight was up from my last appointment with him. All and all a good visit that had me in good spirits afterward. He scheduled a CT scan for me on the date that I get my PET scan results. The reason for that is a CT scan will be to actually give him a idea of weather or not there is anything left inside my tonsil area. He especially wants to see if there is any lymph node tissue still left in there. He suspects the tumor is gone, just obliterated from the radiation. If any lymph node tissue is still there, and is larger then one centimeter, it will have to come out, although he does not foresee that being a issue with me. The PET scan looks for cancer cells only, where the CT is more like a 3-D X-ray, if that makes any sense. I do not know how else to explain the difference in the two types of scans I will be having other than that. All I can do is hope they both come back clean. My condition improves with each couple of days as well as my attitude. I got out of the house last weekend and enjoyed a small parade close to home with Isabella. I think it helps to get out and to try and start doing some normal things. I curse the Georgia pollen though, allergies are one thing I do not need on top of everything else going on. I can now get some water down and had some ice cream the other day. My throat seems to improve each day and the doctor said I should start attempting soft foods, such as eggs. We have become excited enough to start talking about what type of vacation to take this summer for a sorta of celebration if all goes well. I hope we are not getting ahead of ourselves, but it helps to remain optimistic and to look forward to something. Right now that would be a trip in late August to Colorado thanks to a offer from old friend Lauren Mitchell to use her condo. After seeing the info on the place, it was a offer we thought was to good to let go by. Many thanks to her and her husband Micheal for this opportunity that I hope we can take advantage of. We will just have to wait now and see how it all goes next month.

On the road again.

This week in my road to full recovery was much better then the previous week as you can tell from the last post. I think my body is starting to shake the effects of all that radiation and is now starting to get back into a somewhat normal state. I am holding steady at 190 lbs. now that I am back to getting the needed amount of calories per day that is required for me to not lose weight. I am also now down to using just one of my pain killers that have been prescribed for me. I still can not swallow to well, but I am making attempts to try and drink some water every day. I saw my radiation oncologist yesterday, and he thinks I am making good progress. He stated that progress is independent for each patient and reminded me to not rush things, and that recovery came in 3 and 4 day increments. He scheduled my PET scan for May 15th, and I would get my results on the 18th. He made no predictions as to when I would be able to eat soft foods. I too, have no idea when this will happen, but am so looking forward to it. The simple pleasure of just drinking a glass of water that we all take for granted, would bring the greatest joy in the world to me right now. All good things in all good time I suppose. On a different note, Andrea and Isabella got to spent a wonderful spring break in Tampa with her parents. She had a great time and so deserved the time away from me and her job, to take a break and re energize herself. They almost did not go because of my condition at the time, but I insisted I was OK and would be alright with out them. I really wanted this for her because I thought nobody deserved it more then her for everything she had done for me since I was diagnosed. My hope now, is for all of us to take a trip together to celebrate this whole ordeal being over and maybe getting our life's back to somewhat normal. We will know if this is so on May 18th I am guessing.

Just another week in the life.

Had a somewhat rough week, but feeling much better today. It all started on April 1st, no joke, when I was just not able to keep anything down. I was worried I was becoming dehydrated, so I headed over to Piedmont to see if they could help me get some fluids and possibly figure out what was going on. I did not have a doctors appointment, but had been told in the past that if I just needed fluids, then to come right in. Hah, what a mistake that was. Got there at 9:30 a.m. and was told by the receptionist that my doctor was booked. I said no problem, I just need some fluids and will then be on my way. She told me that I had to see someone first before getting the fluids. I said no problem, and that I will take the first available appointment. The only opening was with a P.A. and I said sure. So, after a "2" hour wait I finally saw the P.A. I explained to her all of my recent problems with not being able to keep anything down during the previous four days as well as my concern for becoming dehydrated. Now, I have nothing against her, she was very nice and seemed concerned. But at the same time, she was very busy and was not at all familiar with me and my history and really did not seem to know how to deal with me. The lesson I learned, was to always make an appointment with a doctor. If not your doctor, then any doctor in the practice. She ended up giving me nothing for my vomiting, but did let me get a bag of fluids to help hydrate me. She also set up for me to get some fluids delivered to the house for home use, which was great idea. We finally left the hospital at 2:00 p.m. It was my fault to expect to be able to just show up and be taken care of. Oh well live and learn. Needless to say, my problems continued into the weekend and on Sunday, I was in extreme pain with acute abdominal craps. I had also not eaten any thing in a week. We talked to a couple of on call doctors and they said it was best for me to head on in to the emergency room. The pain reminded me of the time when I was 15 and had appendicitis. The doctors were worried of a possible blockage in my feeding tube or some type of hernia. The doctor at the emergency room was great. It was a short wait though, because they were relatively busy for a Sunday after noon. My pain had been reduced considerably since we left the house since I was able to give myself some of my own pain medicine. I was x-rayed for blockages, and he did not fine any. He then give me some nausea medicine as well as a heavy duty pain killer that had me making up words (wobley was a fave). I was feeling no pain by now of course. He then gave us a couple of prescriptions for the vomiting and nausea. No need to stay over night he said, so he sent us on our way. Not a bad emergency room experience at all if I had to rate it. Anyway, I have been slowly mending from this experience. Still not getting in enough calories, but the vomiting has stopped. My fluid intake has been fine and I am working on getting my calorie intake back up to where I will quit losing weight. I think I am down to about 190 scrawny lbs. Well, that is the latest in what seems like a never ending struggle to beat this. Hopefully with no more setbacks, I will be on my way to feeling a lot better by the end of week. Thanks to all of you out there who are thinking about us and hoping only for the best for us. Love will see us through.