Better days ahead.

The further I move away from March 20th, the better I seem to get. The radiation treatments I had, 35 in a 40 day period, really caught up with me over the last 10 days. I will not go in to details, but as you can imagine, it has not been fun. Seems like my condition and the weather have been competing over which could be the crappiest over the last couple of weeks. Actually, I bet I am the only person in Atlanta who is glad for the number of rain days we had recently. Its only because I am stuck inside and hardly ever leave the house. That fact, along with nice weather and knowing everybody is out having fun, would have been to much for me. So I guess it is true what they say, "misery does love company". I don't want this to be all about me and how bad I have felt recently, although this is why I have not been writing anything lately. My wife and daughter have been there for me through all of this. They have made it so much easier for me to deal with a lot of what has happened. My appreciation of them and of life in general grows as much as Isabella has in the last couple of months. Getting this sick, and reflecting on life is something you don't imagine happening to yourself until you get much older. But I am here to tell you, having a loving and close family is the best remedy for any illness you could ever imagine. They remind you of what life is worth living for, and you don't waste anymore time thinking and worrying about small and insignificant things in your life that don't effect it one way or another. I have done a lot of reading in the last three months or so, and one thing seems to have sunk in more then the others. It went something like this. The author was talking about a number of books and different ways and aspects certain people and cultures look for some kind of meaning in life. In the end his favorite answer and its mine as well, is this. When asked about some meaning or secret to life, or what was life for, or what is the meaning of life, the best answer seem to be "life....life is for living". It sounds pretty simple I know. But for me it is what I am looking forward to doing the most. Just living my life.

The wait begins, or the waiting is the hardest part.

Now that the treatments are officially over. The wait begins. It will be 8 weeks before I am giving a PET scan to determine if all the cancer and the tumor itself have been obliterated and is gone from my body. This period will allow me now to start healing as well. Although the radiation doctor said it will be another 2 weeks before I turn that corner and start really healing up for good. The last couple of days have been the worst as far as symptoms are concerned, and the next couple of weeks should be more of the same. I seem to be on constant pain killers, so everything is kind of foggy. The repetition of my liquid diet has grown old real fast and it is no fun in administering everything including water through a feeding tube. My face and neck are blistered from radiation and need constant lotion or cream. They feel like a really bad sunburn. I have a constant runny nose. I am now clearing my throat repeatedly from what the doctor called mucutis build up. It has to spit out or painfully swallowed. All of these symptoms seemed to have peaked out now that treatments are over. It's like they determined how much you body can take and once it reaches it max. they stop it. Any way, I was warned of all this and I am prepared to deal with them as best I can over the next couple of weeks. The fact of knowing my treatments are all over makes it a little bit easier to deal with. That and the fact that every day that goes by, is one day closer to being done with this and on my way to a full recovery also helps me endure. Andrea has been great in taking care of me and Isabella, on top of working a full time job. She is exhausted at the end of every evening, but gets up every morning and does all again the next day. She deserves a special vacation once this is all past us. Thanks again to all of you who helped with rides and what not over the last 6 weeks. We appreciate every bit of helped we have received so far.

Two treatments left

Sorry for the delay in posting. I am on some type of pain killer 24 hrs. a day now and the motivation to write this is waning. I am officially done with treatments on Friday, since I am now off the clinical trial drug erbitux. My skin just never got around to healing enough for the doctor and so for now,three treatments is going to be it for me. Both of my doctors on the other hand think I have benefited greatly from just those three. So, this is how things should proceed from now. My first scan will be 8 weeks from Friday. It will be another two weeks from now, before I turn a corner away from the pain and begin the process of starting to heal. I wanted to thank both of my brothers George and Devon for rides to Piedmont over the last week. Also to Michelle Brethaur for picking me up and taking me home one day. A big thanks to Debby Crawford for providing rides two days this week. Marcia Gomez gave me a ride last Friday as well. All the transportation help as been wonderful and we are truly thankful. I will try to update again this weekend.

Eight will be enough.

I am now in single digits in regards to the number of radiation treatments I have left. The radiation oncologist told me there are only eight left, not nine as I had presumed. So for now, March 20 will be the last day for "all" treatments in this ongoing battle. Yes, I said all treatments. Then it will be eight weeks of healing before going back to the hospital to have my first PET/CT scan to see that there is no tumor left inside of me. As far as the erbitux treatments go, they are all but over now. My medical oncologist who saw me yesterday, said that my skin had not healed enough to the point of being able to resume any of the five treatments I had left with it as part of the clinical trial I was involved with. Even with the possibility that I could start back again next Tuesday with it, he said it was going to be very unlikely. He stated that he did not want to risk it, and that I had most likely benefited significantly from the 3 treatments that I had already received. He again also reminded me that of the patients who had developed a significant rash such as mind, they had also shown to have benefited the most from the drug. In other words, with just my three doses, I most likely got a lot of bang for my buck. I have gotten the most out of it, I believe, before it gets the most out of me. As for other side effects, I am taking pain medication about 3 or 4 times a day just to stay ahead of it. No pain in my throat unless I swallow, so I avoid that. My hair never fell out and I have been told that most likely it will not. I have lost weight, and am now under 200 lbs. for the first time in a long time. Unfortunately, muscle is lost before fat and I have gotten pretty weak and scrawny looking as a result. My neck stays pretty red from the radiation treatments and is in constant need of lotion. I seem to be constantly trying to clear my throat and my hearing has become super sensitive at times. I consider these to be small and very insignificant problems in the scope of things. I do know that most likely I could not have been able to deal with these effects so easily without the continued love and support of the most incredible wife. Andrea has done everything in her power to see that I have everything I need in dealing with this. She has gone above and beyond the call of duty in taking care of me, and for that I will be forever gracious. Thank you to all for the continued support and prayers.

Down to a Dozen

I am now amazingly down to just 12 radiation treatments left. The fatigue from them this last week has delayed this post and I am sorry for that. It is difficult to get motivated to really do anything outside of just the basics when you constantly feel tired. Anyway, I did see my medical oncologist on Tuesday. I had my second and last dose of Cisplatin. It was a long day (8 hours at the hospital) and I am glad Andrea was with me to get through it all. Before my treatment the doctor saw my skin and rash and decided to again further delay any more treatments from the clinical drug erbitux. He told me that we could now wait a maximum of four weeks in between doses. He original had told me two weeks. My skin has cleared up tremendously since Tuesday, so I might get my fourth dose this coming Tuesday. I asked him if the rash would come back as severe as I had gotten it. He did not really have a answer, other then to not really know either way because of the relatively new use of this drug. He also stated that about 10% on patients develop the rashes as severe as I did. It will be a wait see aspect I am guessing, if I do start back up on it. I will try to let everyone know by Wednesday, or if we are going to wait another week. I am officially on a liquid diet now. It has just become to difficult to swallow anything. I am using my feeding tube for everything, and I am very glad to have it. I am now staying better hydrated because I can just give myself as much water as I need through the tube. I really only have pain when I swallow at the moment. The constant pain in my throat will come this week during and after my final 12 radiation treatments. The plan for pain right now will be percocet and then moving to a fendentyl patch when the percocets are not longer doing the job. In other words the fun is about to begin. After the last treatment on the 20th, the radiation will still be affecting me for up to 60 days afterward. It is only after then that I will begin to start healing. The radiation oncologist stated that I am on one of the most aggressive radiation therapies out there, so I end up with some really bad side effects because of it, and also because of the location of where the therapy is being targeted. The tonsil area has a lot of sensitive tissue area around it that unfortunately receives collateral damage from the radiation, no matter how good the targeting is. All of this is done to insure that all the cancer cells are killed from the tumor, and to also get the places the cells might try to hid or escape to around the tumor. My thanks again to Debby Crawford for the ride to a treatment this week. Also big thanks to Andrea's mom who is up from Tampa helping us out. She has been a angel helping with everything around the house. Thanks to all my friends and family for the continued support.