New Life

First off, congratulations are in order for my little sis and the birth of her first child. Kianna Louise Connolly joined this world yesterday(Aug 12th) weighing in at 9.5 lbs. And yes it was a C-section. We look forward to seeing her at Christmas. I also got word today that all my blood work from Monday came back within normal limits. This is good news and I finally feel that I gotten over this last hurdle and can now officially start my new life. The infection I had been fighting for over a month is apparently gone. This is wonderful news to me and I can not tell you how excited I feel about it. It makes this last month of off time before work begins feel like it will be a vacation, instead of the constant doctor going, prescription taking, when will it all be over with worrying that we have been doing since this infection began back on July 2nd.

Infection Fight

I wrote my last post on June 24th and just posted it. Things were slow and there was not much to report, so I was not in a hurry. Well my condition has changed again since then, and I will now try to keep this as up to date as I possibly can. Apparently, unbeknown to me, on around June 30th, I developed a nice infection in my jawline near my incision site while we were in Tampa visiting Andrea's parents. This was a complete 28 days after my operation and it came as sort of a surprise to say the least. I thought I was on the road to complete recovery and the possibility of this occurring was slim. I decided to see a Dr. in Tampa as soon as possible, after spending all night chasing drugs down in Tampa to see if we could handle this here. Well after hearing my long story and history, he recommended that I fly home at once to see my own doctors, since they had the best idea of what may be going on with me, or he was going to check me in to the hospital himself. I was on the next flight out of there which was on the first of July, and in my Dr's office on the morning of the 2nd. It was an obviously some type of skin infection and we decided to attack it as aggressively as we could. Since the family was still and Tampa, I agreed to check in to the hospital and treat this as fast and as best as possible and to be done with it and home for the Fourth of July. Needless to say, it did not work out like I had hoped. I spent July 4th in the hospital still dealing with this stubborn infection. I watched the runners going up cardiac hill from my hospital room window during the Peachtree road race. Andrea arrived home that day the fourth, and I was finally able to go home the following day, Sunday the 5th. I had some prescriptions filled and was done with setback we had thought. Well I woke up Monday morning and it was like a golf ball was stuck in my mouth. It was if I had been punched in the jaw. The previous three nights in the hospital had all been for naught. I was back to where it was when I started the whole process six days earlier. This infection was back with a vengeance. Andrea took me to the doctor once again that morning. Fortunately, she had been through something similar to this already with her mother who is a breast cancer survivor going on 9 years. We told the doctor we wanted to see a infection disease doctor and he agreed with us, because we did not think he really new what to do next for me and out of his field of expertise. That new doctor saw me the same day, after I had a CT scan of the site to see if they could figure out what was going on. They discovered no fluid buildup to get a sample from, so they assumed it was the worst type of infection, which in this case means staph. Now this is a nasty type of infection and they do not really know how I got it. Most likely it was a few days before my symptoms appeared. She did have a different game plan for beating it though, and it involved some very strong antibiotics and steroids to reduce the swelling. The good thing in this case, was I would be able to do them at home. First course of action was to get a IV in my arm that was going to be used to administer the drugs. Its called a Pict line. Well knowing my luck, the nurse could not get the line in while in the office, so this meant a date with the radiology department for them to put it in with the help of there ultrasound machine to see things better. This was finally done on Friday the 10th, and I received my antibiotics before that with just regular IV into my arm. I have now been receiving my meds for 10 days and have seen a vast improvement. The swelling is way down. I am still on some type of pain med for the pain that I do have. It seems to radiate in my jaw area like a tooth ache and I also have pain when trying to open my mouth to eat a sandwich or something similar. Since seeing the doctor again today, we agreed to another 7 days of antibiotics to make sure we get this for certain this time around. The only way to make sure of that, is for overkill, so it does not have a chance to come back. I might be on the meds for the week after this as well as far as I can tell. We can not be to cautious in dealing with it, so the best approach is to go aggressively. Blood test do not really give you the complete story of the appearance of the infection or not. Its best just to just try and wipe it out completely. So, this where I am at now. Just laying low and making sure I can beat this. It will delay my return to work, but I still have a vacation to Colorado to look forward to. Nothing will get in the way of that trip I hope, or I will be hiking with a IV line if I have to.

20 Days

Since it has been 20 days since my last post, I thought it time for a update. I am slowly healing and starting to heal up. The incision on my neck is still taking more time to heal then I had thought. But it is because the area was well radiated during treatment, that it is taking longer to heal. It is still kind of swollen and numb to the touch because of the nerves being stretched during the operation. Still have some mild pain that comes and goes as well, but that should fade as more time goes by. That is only what I need more of now, time, time to heal up and then get back to my somewhat normal life. I have already started doing some things to help me feel like things are starting to look that way. Going out to eat, seeing some live music, and taking a trip over fathers day weekend with my good buddy Scott, have all been great fun in helping me return to a normal life after six months spent fighting this disease. I do not even have a doctors appointment until next month which helps me forget as well. I am just now starting to reflect on how I am going to end this blog as well as when, since my health is almost back to normal. My next post after this one just might be my last, as it will be a nice round number to end with since it will be post number 25.

Two for Tuesday.

Well, as you can tell by now, I made it through my surgery. Although there was of course a little excitement along the way that seems to be par for the course for me lately. My lymph nodes were removed as planned, and I am now at home on the mend after a night's stay in the hospital. The day started as planned on Tuesday morning as I drove myself to the hospital at around 5 a.m. with the plan for Andrea picking me up later after she got Isabella off to day care. It was my hope to be home later that day. Everything was on schedule, as I was in surgery by 8 a.m. as planned and finished up about 2 hours later. I spent about another 2 hours in recovery and was finally rolled up to a room for further observation around 12:30 ish. I was awake when they arrived at my room and saw Andrea standing there waiting for me. Looking back now and trying to remember some things that occurred on the way up to room, I remember feeling where the incision was and it felt like it had begun to swell up a little bit more then normal. I also noticed, that I was beginning to break out into a cold sweat at the same time. The nurses moving me up to the room also began to comment on the swelling that they had not noticed in the recovery room. On arrival to my room, the room nurse was also concerned and they decided to call my doctor back up, who was at lunch downstairs at the time. They kept asking me if I was having any difficulty in breathing. Andrea knew something was not right because of the sweating I was doing. By this time, there were about six nurses in my room and some of them had panicked looks on their faces. The doctor finally came in and asked for a kit to with tools to open the incision back up. He seemed pretty calm as he began to do this and relived some of the pressure on it. Apparently a clamp on one ofmy blood vessels that were cut to access the nodes had come lose and instead of draining into my drainage tube as planned, a blood vessel was draining into the incision area. This was bad news for me, as I was soon to find out, because it now meant a trip back to the O.R. to find the lose clamp and clean the area out. The nurses were relived he had arrived and put away their tracheotomy kit they had retrieved in case my breathing would have become compromised. Andrea seemed pretty calm as she witnessed all this happen right in front of her and she also seemed in good spirits as I was wheeled out of the room. I later found out she lost it while talking to her mom on the phone while I was in for my second surgery of the day, but her mom as usual said all the right things to her. her mom is a cancer survivor and has been through more things then I have.The second surgery lasted about an hour I was told and I was again pushed into the recovery room for the second time in one day. I was finally moved up to my room around 3 p.m. and was told I was definitely going to be spending the night after what I had just been through. It all seemed sort of surreal for me at the time, for I was on some type of drug the whole time. I never felt like I was in any serious danger or any thing. It was all mostly frustrating, because I felt like I was well enough after the first surgery and was going to be going home and spending a long night in the hospital. Little did I know that the hospital was running a special that day. Two surgeries for the price of one. My brother George helped keep me company after Andrea left to pick up Isabella from some great friends who had picked her up and watched her for us. Well, after a long sleepless night I was finally cleared to go home Wednesday morning. The swelling is still there, as well as a drain tube. The incision is bigger then I thought it would be. It's about six inches instead of the three or four I was told. It does not really bother me though, because it will not be visible in the years to come. After it was all said and done, I am glad the ordeal of dealing with these types of incidences is hopefully finally over for us. Even though this was a rough experience, the fact that the cancer is gone, makes everything else now still seem so inconsequential. I now have a couple of weeks of no lifting and straining and that is tough when Isabella is asking me to play with her every day. I am truly looking forward of being done with everything involved with this cancer. It has been a six month strain on every aspect of our lives. With this last hurdle cleared, we are hoping for smooth sailing ahead. But I also am prepared because of great wife and support from friends and family, that we will be able to weather all the storms heading our way.

Another hurdle to clear

Well, after speaking with a third doctor yesterday about the removal of some lymph nodes in my neck, I have decided to go ahead and do it. It will be next Tuesday morning June 2nd. My E.N.T. doctor communicated with the other two docs, and they all concluded that they would be happy with either choice I made. Leaving them in is perfectly O.K., so getting them removed is more of a piece of mind sort of thing for me. My goal is to get as close to zero percent chance of re-occurrence of this cancer that I can get to. Even this procedure might only slightly be doing that, but it is a chance that I am willing to take. The surgery takes about 2-3 hours and could require a one night stay in the hospital, depending on how I recover. It will leave about a 3 inch scar that will become less visible over the years. They will remove about 5 lymph nodes and they will be biopsied to check for cancer once removed. They do not suspect to find any, but you never know. To me, I want them out so they are not providing a refuge for any remaining cancer cells to reappear in the coming years. The chance of that is small I am told, but my piece of mind will of more important to me then anything right now. I would not wish my treatment for this on anyone. It has been a helluva ordeal these last 5 months, and I can not wait for it to become a distant memory. Besides, I have the time off from work and should do it while I've got the time to take care of it. It should take about a week to fully recover afterward, but I hope to get cleared and hopefully back to work(light duty) by July 13 th. That is my goal anyway.Hope all is well with everybody and I will keep on posting when I have something to at least post about.

The 21st on the 21st.

Life is for living, so I am ready to get back to doing some of it. Most of everybody knows by now, that my PET scan results came back clean on the 18th and that I am now officially cancer free. The phrase remission is also used in this situation as well, but I like cancer free better. I had a CT scan on Monday the 18th as well that will be used as base line for my future scans. I will be scanned every 3 months for a year to make sure there are no more cancer cells trying to build something in that same area again. I received those results today and it was mostly good news except that I do have a lymph node that did not shrink to under one centimeter as the doctors had hoped. The size of it is right on the cusp of requiring it to be removed surgically(it's size in 1.077). I meet with my E.N.T. next week to get his opinion as to whether I should go ahead and take it out and be done with it. My thought is that if there in any chance that taking it out will decrease the chances of the cancer reappearing, I will not hesitate removing it and schedule the surgery that same day. Leaving the node in may be leaving a additional place for cancer cells to grow and reproduce and I don't want that. It is not to complex a surgery and does not require a nights stay in the hospital. So I will let you know how that conversation goes next week. It has been a crazy week for Andrea and I. The news on Monday took a while to sink in for us and it was almost unreal. We called our families first and the tears of joy began to flow. After calling as many people we could get a hold of, I e-mailed other folks and even posted a status on facebook. I wanted to tell everyone I knew personally that I was cancer free, but soon realized that was going to be impossible. It was quite a relief at last to know that my life was not going to be cut short by this disease. So many thoughts and what ifs were going through my head at the time we got the news, that when the doctor finally came in to give us the news so calmly, I thought there was a chance he was joking with us. When I realized that this was not a good idea for him, I just did not know what to say. A sense of relief flowed through my body like nothing ever before. Andreas looked at me and said "see, I told you so". I personally thanked him for the good work he had done with my case, which I know was not a easy one for him. He tried to deflect the attention to others in a modest way, but I know that the radiation treatments he administered played a big part in riding me of this. I am thankful to all the people at Piedmont who worked to diligently over the last 5 months in getting me to this point in my recovery. I still have little way to go to get back to my normal self, but with there help and my loving family and friends, I know I will make it back to living the full life I did before all this happen.

Just the 20th post.

When I decided to write this blog about my treatments, I never thought I would only be at number 20 at this point in time. I was diagnosed just over 4 months ago and thought I would at least be to number 50 by now. I guess my tendency to over explain things with run on sentences has made each entry a little longer that it should have been. I could have keep them short at times, but I just had to much to say after a week or so had past, so I just keep on typing. Most of the time I was dealing with the side effects of the treatments and the desire to write anything just was not there. At times, I would not even mention something about my condition, because it just got to be a little to much.(i.e. I was in the hospital for a procedure three hours before my grandmothers memorial service.) Anyhow, all is well as we head into this final week before my PET scan on Friday. I was well enough to attend Andrea's sister graduation ceremony yesterday. Marcia Christine Gomez graduated from the Goizueta Business School at Emory and received her MBA degree. Her whole family is here to celebrate, and we are all very proud of her. She is now off to Columbus, Oh for work and we will miss her very much after the two years she had spent here. We got used to seeing her around, but I think Isabella will miss her the most. I will post number 21 next week with my test results. I wanted again to thank everybody again for their help over these last few months. Whither it was with a ride, giving food, having a conversation, sending prayers and or good thoughts my way, whatever it was, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Maybe with all the help and support I have gotten, next weeks post can be the last one. We can then call it lucky number 21. I let you know then.

In Memory

I just want to share a few memories this week about my grandmother who passed away this past Sunday. She was 99 years young, and had lived a long and wonderful life. I have found that talking to her through the years, I was able to learn quite a bit about who I was, and maybe even why I was the person I had become. She was born and lived during a time in this country, when woman just did not do a lot of things that she was able to accomplish over the course of her long life. One of her early memories though, was losing her father to the influenza of 1918 when she was nine. This would have I think, an effect on her and her family for the rest of her life. She was raised by a loving mother who taught her a strong work ethic and also taught her how to make a living for herself. But, by the time she was in her twenties it was the great depression, so there were not many jobs to go around. This was also during prohibition as well, and she could remember seeing folks going into speakeasies to get illegal drinks. She never said she was in one of them, but now I am starting to wonder why she mentioned it. She married young like most women, only to divorce him after eight years at a time when divorces were a not very popular thing. She was to have only one child (my father) with him, knowing that having more would lead to further poverty in the middle of the depression. My grandfather did not seem to be a very good provider for her, she would say, and she ended up moving back in with her mother. She raised my Dad as a single mom when this was something also not very popular with most people. During the second world war, she would continue her pioneering ways and go on to work in a bank, not a factory. This was at a time when woman were not a very common sight in many executive type jobs. She ended up becoming an assistant vice president at that bank, and would retired after 31 years. Although she married again, she never had or wanted to depend on anyone else, for anything. She hated to burden the grand kids or any body else with anything other then maybe changing a light bulb in her house. She relished in her independence, something she must have learned from her mother. She always wore a smile on her face, and was quick with a witty comment. A trait that was passed on to my dad, and I feel down to me as well. She traveled a lot and saw most of the country from a Winnebago that she just adorned. She did this before settling down retired with her second husband in central Florida. I have many great memories of visited them at their home there. From fishing, to just getting to sleep out on the patio. She lived there until his death in 1978 and then my dad moved her up here to Atlanta. She lived by herself here, up to and around her 98th birthday, before being moved to assisted living. I was lucky she always lived closed by to me, and felt guilty if I did not visit her more often. I always enjoy talking with her about what it was like to grow up in such a different time period then me. She would at times, have a keen memory of events that had occurred so long ago that I just soaked up. She loved to read and was not a outwardly religious person, she keep her beliefs to herself and did not judge you for your own. She, like my father, never attended church regularly. When I would prod her about why she did not to seem the very religious type, she would always say something like "well, we were always to busy for that sort of stuff while growing up". She and her mother worked together making dresses during the twenties and must of also worked on Sundays as well to make ends meet. She never had a course word to say about anybody and I never once saw her lose her temper. I may have missed all of this as well, for she might have been a different person when she was younger. But, I doubt it very much. I do not think she would have lived such a long and harmonious life, without being the loving, tender, and kind person she was for the 43 years I knew her. She was already 56 when I was born. I was her fourth grand child and I was born on her birthday, November 20th. My parents decided on giving me as a middle name, her maiden name, as a sort of tribute to her. I was always kind of embarrassed by it as a kid and just wanted to have a normal sounding name like everybody else. Something to go with my very common first name. Now, I don't mind it as much, and sort of like hearing it because it is not very common name at all, especially here in the south. So in honor of grandmother, feel free to call me that name the next time you see me. It is a name I am now very proud to call myself. Only because of the type of woman she was and the life that she lived. One that influenced me more then I will ever imagine. One life that we would all hope to live ourselves. You can call me "Gridley" anytime, and I will gladly turn to you with a smile on my face. I love you grandma.

All good things.

Saw my medical oncologist today. Special thanks to Michelle B. and the boy's for the ride. Just a routine follow up to check on me and make sure all is going as planned. Blood counts were fine and the weight was up from my last appointment with him. All and all a good visit that had me in good spirits afterward. He scheduled a CT scan for me on the date that I get my PET scan results. The reason for that is a CT scan will be to actually give him a idea of weather or not there is anything left inside my tonsil area. He especially wants to see if there is any lymph node tissue still left in there. He suspects the tumor is gone, just obliterated from the radiation. If any lymph node tissue is still there, and is larger then one centimeter, it will have to come out, although he does not foresee that being a issue with me. The PET scan looks for cancer cells only, where the CT is more like a 3-D X-ray, if that makes any sense. I do not know how else to explain the difference in the two types of scans I will be having other than that. All I can do is hope they both come back clean. My condition improves with each couple of days as well as my attitude. I got out of the house last weekend and enjoyed a small parade close to home with Isabella. I think it helps to get out and to try and start doing some normal things. I curse the Georgia pollen though, allergies are one thing I do not need on top of everything else going on. I can now get some water down and had some ice cream the other day. My throat seems to improve each day and the doctor said I should start attempting soft foods, such as eggs. We have become excited enough to start talking about what type of vacation to take this summer for a sorta of celebration if all goes well. I hope we are not getting ahead of ourselves, but it helps to remain optimistic and to look forward to something. Right now that would be a trip in late August to Colorado thanks to a offer from old friend Lauren Mitchell to use her condo. After seeing the info on the place, it was a offer we thought was to good to let go by. Many thanks to her and her husband Micheal for this opportunity that I hope we can take advantage of. We will just have to wait now and see how it all goes next month.

On the road again.

This week in my road to full recovery was much better then the previous week as you can tell from the last post. I think my body is starting to shake the effects of all that radiation and is now starting to get back into a somewhat normal state. I am holding steady at 190 lbs. now that I am back to getting the needed amount of calories per day that is required for me to not lose weight. I am also now down to using just one of my pain killers that have been prescribed for me. I still can not swallow to well, but I am making attempts to try and drink some water every day. I saw my radiation oncologist yesterday, and he thinks I am making good progress. He stated that progress is independent for each patient and reminded me to not rush things, and that recovery came in 3 and 4 day increments. He scheduled my PET scan for May 15th, and I would get my results on the 18th. He made no predictions as to when I would be able to eat soft foods. I too, have no idea when this will happen, but am so looking forward to it. The simple pleasure of just drinking a glass of water that we all take for granted, would bring the greatest joy in the world to me right now. All good things in all good time I suppose. On a different note, Andrea and Isabella got to spent a wonderful spring break in Tampa with her parents. She had a great time and so deserved the time away from me and her job, to take a break and re energize herself. They almost did not go because of my condition at the time, but I insisted I was OK and would be alright with out them. I really wanted this for her because I thought nobody deserved it more then her for everything she had done for me since I was diagnosed. My hope now, is for all of us to take a trip together to celebrate this whole ordeal being over and maybe getting our life's back to somewhat normal. We will know if this is so on May 18th I am guessing.

Just another week in the life.

Had a somewhat rough week, but feeling much better today. It all started on April 1st, no joke, when I was just not able to keep anything down. I was worried I was becoming dehydrated, so I headed over to Piedmont to see if they could help me get some fluids and possibly figure out what was going on. I did not have a doctors appointment, but had been told in the past that if I just needed fluids, then to come right in. Hah, what a mistake that was. Got there at 9:30 a.m. and was told by the receptionist that my doctor was booked. I said no problem, I just need some fluids and will then be on my way. She told me that I had to see someone first before getting the fluids. I said no problem, and that I will take the first available appointment. The only opening was with a P.A. and I said sure. So, after a "2" hour wait I finally saw the P.A. I explained to her all of my recent problems with not being able to keep anything down during the previous four days as well as my concern for becoming dehydrated. Now, I have nothing against her, she was very nice and seemed concerned. But at the same time, she was very busy and was not at all familiar with me and my history and really did not seem to know how to deal with me. The lesson I learned, was to always make an appointment with a doctor. If not your doctor, then any doctor in the practice. She ended up giving me nothing for my vomiting, but did let me get a bag of fluids to help hydrate me. She also set up for me to get some fluids delivered to the house for home use, which was great idea. We finally left the hospital at 2:00 p.m. It was my fault to expect to be able to just show up and be taken care of. Oh well live and learn. Needless to say, my problems continued into the weekend and on Sunday, I was in extreme pain with acute abdominal craps. I had also not eaten any thing in a week. We talked to a couple of on call doctors and they said it was best for me to head on in to the emergency room. The pain reminded me of the time when I was 15 and had appendicitis. The doctors were worried of a possible blockage in my feeding tube or some type of hernia. The doctor at the emergency room was great. It was a short wait though, because they were relatively busy for a Sunday after noon. My pain had been reduced considerably since we left the house since I was able to give myself some of my own pain medicine. I was x-rayed for blockages, and he did not fine any. He then give me some nausea medicine as well as a heavy duty pain killer that had me making up words (wobley was a fave). I was feeling no pain by now of course. He then gave us a couple of prescriptions for the vomiting and nausea. No need to stay over night he said, so he sent us on our way. Not a bad emergency room experience at all if I had to rate it. Anyway, I have been slowly mending from this experience. Still not getting in enough calories, but the vomiting has stopped. My fluid intake has been fine and I am working on getting my calorie intake back up to where I will quit losing weight. I think I am down to about 190 scrawny lbs. Well, that is the latest in what seems like a never ending struggle to beat this. Hopefully with no more setbacks, I will be on my way to feeling a lot better by the end of week. Thanks to all of you out there who are thinking about us and hoping only for the best for us. Love will see us through.

Better days ahead.

The further I move away from March 20th, the better I seem to get. The radiation treatments I had, 35 in a 40 day period, really caught up with me over the last 10 days. I will not go in to details, but as you can imagine, it has not been fun. Seems like my condition and the weather have been competing over which could be the crappiest over the last couple of weeks. Actually, I bet I am the only person in Atlanta who is glad for the number of rain days we had recently. Its only because I am stuck inside and hardly ever leave the house. That fact, along with nice weather and knowing everybody is out having fun, would have been to much for me. So I guess it is true what they say, "misery does love company". I don't want this to be all about me and how bad I have felt recently, although this is why I have not been writing anything lately. My wife and daughter have been there for me through all of this. They have made it so much easier for me to deal with a lot of what has happened. My appreciation of them and of life in general grows as much as Isabella has in the last couple of months. Getting this sick, and reflecting on life is something you don't imagine happening to yourself until you get much older. But I am here to tell you, having a loving and close family is the best remedy for any illness you could ever imagine. They remind you of what life is worth living for, and you don't waste anymore time thinking and worrying about small and insignificant things in your life that don't effect it one way or another. I have done a lot of reading in the last three months or so, and one thing seems to have sunk in more then the others. It went something like this. The author was talking about a number of books and different ways and aspects certain people and cultures look for some kind of meaning in life. In the end his favorite answer and its mine as well, is this. When asked about some meaning or secret to life, or what was life for, or what is the meaning of life, the best answer seem to be "life....life is for living". It sounds pretty simple I know. But for me it is what I am looking forward to doing the most. Just living my life.

The wait begins, or the waiting is the hardest part.

Now that the treatments are officially over. The wait begins. It will be 8 weeks before I am giving a PET scan to determine if all the cancer and the tumor itself have been obliterated and is gone from my body. This period will allow me now to start healing as well. Although the radiation doctor said it will be another 2 weeks before I turn that corner and start really healing up for good. The last couple of days have been the worst as far as symptoms are concerned, and the next couple of weeks should be more of the same. I seem to be on constant pain killers, so everything is kind of foggy. The repetition of my liquid diet has grown old real fast and it is no fun in administering everything including water through a feeding tube. My face and neck are blistered from radiation and need constant lotion or cream. They feel like a really bad sunburn. I have a constant runny nose. I am now clearing my throat repeatedly from what the doctor called mucutis build up. It has to spit out or painfully swallowed. All of these symptoms seemed to have peaked out now that treatments are over. It's like they determined how much you body can take and once it reaches it max. they stop it. Any way, I was warned of all this and I am prepared to deal with them as best I can over the next couple of weeks. The fact of knowing my treatments are all over makes it a little bit easier to deal with. That and the fact that every day that goes by, is one day closer to being done with this and on my way to a full recovery also helps me endure. Andrea has been great in taking care of me and Isabella, on top of working a full time job. She is exhausted at the end of every evening, but gets up every morning and does all again the next day. She deserves a special vacation once this is all past us. Thanks again to all of you who helped with rides and what not over the last 6 weeks. We appreciate every bit of helped we have received so far.

Two treatments left

Sorry for the delay in posting. I am on some type of pain killer 24 hrs. a day now and the motivation to write this is waning. I am officially done with treatments on Friday, since I am now off the clinical trial drug erbitux. My skin just never got around to healing enough for the doctor and so for now,three treatments is going to be it for me. Both of my doctors on the other hand think I have benefited greatly from just those three. So, this is how things should proceed from now. My first scan will be 8 weeks from Friday. It will be another two weeks from now, before I turn a corner away from the pain and begin the process of starting to heal. I wanted to thank both of my brothers George and Devon for rides to Piedmont over the last week. Also to Michelle Brethaur for picking me up and taking me home one day. A big thanks to Debby Crawford for providing rides two days this week. Marcia Gomez gave me a ride last Friday as well. All the transportation help as been wonderful and we are truly thankful. I will try to update again this weekend.

Eight will be enough.

I am now in single digits in regards to the number of radiation treatments I have left. The radiation oncologist told me there are only eight left, not nine as I had presumed. So for now, March 20 will be the last day for "all" treatments in this ongoing battle. Yes, I said all treatments. Then it will be eight weeks of healing before going back to the hospital to have my first PET/CT scan to see that there is no tumor left inside of me. As far as the erbitux treatments go, they are all but over now. My medical oncologist who saw me yesterday, said that my skin had not healed enough to the point of being able to resume any of the five treatments I had left with it as part of the clinical trial I was involved with. Even with the possibility that I could start back again next Tuesday with it, he said it was going to be very unlikely. He stated that he did not want to risk it, and that I had most likely benefited significantly from the 3 treatments that I had already received. He again also reminded me that of the patients who had developed a significant rash such as mind, they had also shown to have benefited the most from the drug. In other words, with just my three doses, I most likely got a lot of bang for my buck. I have gotten the most out of it, I believe, before it gets the most out of me. As for other side effects, I am taking pain medication about 3 or 4 times a day just to stay ahead of it. No pain in my throat unless I swallow, so I avoid that. My hair never fell out and I have been told that most likely it will not. I have lost weight, and am now under 200 lbs. for the first time in a long time. Unfortunately, muscle is lost before fat and I have gotten pretty weak and scrawny looking as a result. My neck stays pretty red from the radiation treatments and is in constant need of lotion. I seem to be constantly trying to clear my throat and my hearing has become super sensitive at times. I consider these to be small and very insignificant problems in the scope of things. I do know that most likely I could not have been able to deal with these effects so easily without the continued love and support of the most incredible wife. Andrea has done everything in her power to see that I have everything I need in dealing with this. She has gone above and beyond the call of duty in taking care of me, and for that I will be forever gracious. Thank you to all for the continued support and prayers.

Down to a Dozen

I am now amazingly down to just 12 radiation treatments left. The fatigue from them this last week has delayed this post and I am sorry for that. It is difficult to get motivated to really do anything outside of just the basics when you constantly feel tired. Anyway, I did see my medical oncologist on Tuesday. I had my second and last dose of Cisplatin. It was a long day (8 hours at the hospital) and I am glad Andrea was with me to get through it all. Before my treatment the doctor saw my skin and rash and decided to again further delay any more treatments from the clinical drug erbitux. He told me that we could now wait a maximum of four weeks in between doses. He original had told me two weeks. My skin has cleared up tremendously since Tuesday, so I might get my fourth dose this coming Tuesday. I asked him if the rash would come back as severe as I had gotten it. He did not really have a answer, other then to not really know either way because of the relatively new use of this drug. He also stated that about 10% on patients develop the rashes as severe as I did. It will be a wait see aspect I am guessing, if I do start back up on it. I will try to let everyone know by Wednesday, or if we are going to wait another week. I am officially on a liquid diet now. It has just become to difficult to swallow anything. I am using my feeding tube for everything, and I am very glad to have it. I am now staying better hydrated because I can just give myself as much water as I need through the tube. I really only have pain when I swallow at the moment. The constant pain in my throat will come this week during and after my final 12 radiation treatments. The plan for pain right now will be percocet and then moving to a fendentyl patch when the percocets are not longer doing the job. In other words the fun is about to begin. After the last treatment on the 20th, the radiation will still be affecting me for up to 60 days afterward. It is only after then that I will begin to start healing. The radiation oncologist stated that I am on one of the most aggressive radiation therapies out there, so I end up with some really bad side effects because of it, and also because of the location of where the therapy is being targeted. The tonsil area has a lot of sensitive tissue area around it that unfortunately receives collateral damage from the radiation, no matter how good the targeting is. All of this is done to insure that all the cancer cells are killed from the tumor, and to also get the places the cells might try to hid or escape to around the tumor. My thanks again to Debby Crawford for the ride to a treatment this week. Also big thanks to Andrea's mom who is up from Tampa helping us out. She has been a angel helping with everything around the house. Thanks to all my friends and family for the continued support.

Three weeks gone

Today, I had my 18th radiation treatment. I am now halfway done, with 18 more to go. So far the effects have been somewhat mild from them. They will slowly get worst over the next three weeks. I do have a constant dry mouth, and am always at arms reach away from my water jug. Dry foods are hard to eat and I am starting to feel a little pain when I swallow. Food has no real taste to it now to me either. It all taste sort of metallic to me. Put that together with my lack of interest in food and eating, and I have lost 5 lbs. in the last two weeks. I have always been such a great eater and lover of sweets, this has been a real shock to me. I will try to increase by milkshake quota this week. Back on Tuesday, I did not proceed with my 4th treatment with the clinical trial drug erbitux. Last weekend, my skin took a turn for the worst and the rash that had already appeared, had gotten out of control. When the doctor and nurse saw me on Tuesday, we all agreed to take a week, and possibly two off from these treatments. Two weeks is the maximum amount of time that you can take between treatments and still continue on the trial. If it is up to me, I would just as soon give up any future treatments with the stuff. The rash has become almost unbearable. It is just something I do not want to have to go through again. Dealing with this rash, on top of the severe throat pain I am anticipating in the coming weeks, is something I just don't want to put up with if I have to. The irony in the fact that I wanted this drug from the first day I learned about it just to much to bear. Andrea has said jokingly on more then one occasion, "well, you wanted it." Needless to say, the quote,"careful what you ask for," is very apropos to this recent course of events. My next appointment with the doctor is on Tuesday when I have my second chemo treatment. I will update you then, if we have chosen to continue with the erbitux. My vote is to discontinue it altogether. A couple shout out thank yous, first to Stacey Helenbrook for bringing over enough food to stock half of our freezer. The chicken casserole was enjoyed just last night. Also thanks again to brother Devon, for taken me to two radiation treatments. Those rides really help us out a bunch.

Two Weeks Down, and many people to thank.

I have now finished 12 radiation treatments, 3 erbitux infusions, and 1 cisplatin infusion. My side effects so far have really only come from the erbitux, which is the clinical trial drug I am on. It ironically is the drug I was worried about not getting. The rash on my face and upper chest has gotten pretty out of hand. The Doctor is calling it T2, and when it gets to T3 which is where I am guessing I have now arrived, the protocol on receiving the drug will change. I am guessing from how I look right now, that my next treatment with it, will be changing on Tuesday, when I am scheduled for my next infusion. I had some issue getting my feeding tube put in this week, but finally got that out of the way on Wednesday. My stomach was not where they thought it was supposed to be, so another department had to do the job the next day. It was a giant hassle, but glad it is out of the way.The pain from that has finally subsiding this weekend. Thank you percocet. I now want to thank some people that came through for us this week and really helped us get through a pretty stressful and hectic week. Marcia Gomez, (a.k.a. Maka) has really stepped up as an aunt to Isabella. She has helped us countless times in getting her to daycare when when did not have the time, as well as pick her up if needed. Her countless hours helping around the house, have also been truly appreciated. Thank you Aunt Marcia. Thank you to Debby Crawford, for your moral support, and also for driving and spending all day at the hospital with me on Monday. Bringing us dinner on Tuesday was a great surprise as well and truly delicious. My brother Devon came through on Thursday with getting me to the Hospital for my radiation and taking me twice to the pharmacy. Thanks for helping bro with such short notice. Thanks to Michelle Brethaur for the ride home on Friday, it was nice to catch up with you as well. Also thanks to Scott Reeves for bringing me lunch on Friday. A thank you to Aunt Laura and cousin Parker for bringing Isabella to the circus on Thursday. She has yet to figure out what it exactly is all about. She had so much fun. And finally, thank you to my wife Andrea. Nobody is working harder then her in helping me get through this then you. Your life has been turned upside down as well, but you have been able to stay incredibly upbeat and positive in dealing with this. I am amazed at your resolve and determination to not let this beat us in any way. Everyday has been a battle so far, and they will be getting much tougher. I am so glad you are by my side in this fight. I am truly blessed to be with such a amazing wife and mother, and I love you very much. Thank you to all of you for your continued support. The battle resumes.

One week down

I have now finished 6 radiation treatments, as well as 2 drug treatments and 1 chemo treatment. The only residual effect so far, has been the annoying rash from the drug treatments. It looks like I have shingles on my chest and down my arms. It is also making my scalp very dry and itchy. The doctor put me on a antibiotic today, as well as some hydro cortisone cream to see if we could calm down some of these side effects. He told me it would be another two weeks before they started to subside. Small price to pay for a drug that could be saving my life. The fatigue from the radiation comes and goes. I don't think I have had a good nights rest in a week. The next drug treatment is scheduled for tomorrow and well as the continuation of my daily radiation. Tuesday I have my feeding tube installed. This is the first time I have mentioned getting this to most people. I have been told this was going to be a necessity in the near future, when I will not be able to swallow hardly anything at all. The only way for me to get the calories per day I will need, will be through the tube. It will be about 3 inches long and hang out of my stomach, about 3 inches above my belly button. The only time you could see it, is when I will be using it. Good to see some old friends last night. Although, I was really tired, its nice to know such a great group of people are on my side and offering us support in the upcoming months.

This tumor war.

The full on offensive against the tumor in my tonsil area has begun. The tumor will be on the defensive from here on out, as I had both of my chemo drugs administered as well as my first radiation treatment completed. It is now the beginning of the end for these cancer cells who have been rapidly dividing in my body since who knows when. The only side effect so far has been the rash I spoke of earlier, which appeared on Sunday. Its on my chest and neck and a little on my face. I am on enough nausea medicine for three days to keep me from getting sick. Still eating whatever I want, just staying away from foods that could make me sick even if I was not on the medicine, like fried foods mostly. The main concern is keeping my white blood cell count up, which will start to drop over the next couple weeks, as well as staying hydrated and keeping aloe on my neck from the radiation drying out the skin. I cannot shave, so the next time you see me, I will finally have the beard I have not been allowed to grow the last 23 years because of work. Big shout out to brother George for hanging with me in the infusion suite yesterday. It would have been a long day without the good food and conversation we had together. He also drove me home, which is a real big help for a family with one car. Thanks again for the support from you and your family. That is the latest so far. I have thirty five more radiation treatments to go. They do not last long, but the key is staying still while they are blasting me with it. If you are claustrophobic, you would have a hard time with this for even the shortest amount of time. I am basically pinned down on to the bed with a mask that covers my head and tops of my shoulders (see picture). It keeps me from moving around as little as possible. It has small holes in it for me to breath through, but is other wise very tight. A large arm of the machine then moves to various points around me and zaps me from about seven different locations. The less I move of course, the better the chance of a decrease of the degree of the various side effects that are going to occur. I will try posting whenever I get a chance, but the weather has been to nice to sit at a computer for long. Talk with you soon.

The fight back

My first treatment with the drug they call cetuximab started yesterday. There was not much to it. First the nurse stuck a needle into my port, and drew out five veils of blood. This will be my base lines counts. The ones they can compare to in the future. These will be used to make sure all the medicines and what not that they are giving me are not sending these counts below any certain levels, that they would deem as dangerous levels. They have also weighed me now several times, and I am coming in at right 210 lbs. My goal has been in the last couple of weeks to put on as much weight as possible, before I am unable to swallow solid food and left with just liquids and smoothies. After all of this, the doctor came in and wanted to remind me of the possible side effects from the drug I was going to get. Aside from dying of a massive heart attack, he said the main one which usually occurs a couple weeks after use, is red acne like blemishes on the head and neck. I though great, just what I needed, zits to make feel like I was back in high school. He tried to make it sound normal by stating that is was "a sign that the medicine was working well". After this, I was led to the "infusion suite", yes, that is what it is called. Its pretty swank actually. A large room with about 14 nice recliners pointed toward the window with a nice northerly view. Lots of blankets and magazines abound. There is coffee and tea and refrigerators for bringing your lunch. They have tried to make it as comfortable as possible. They first gave me 50mg of benedreyl to fight off any possible allergic reaction. Thought I was going to pass out from that and take a nice long nap. No such luck. Next came a steroid called decadron. Once those were in, came the cetuximab. It took about 2 hours to drip in, and I had to stay an hour afterward to make sure I was not going to suffer any additional side effects. I was there about five hours in all and had no ill side effects. My vital signs, which were constantly monitored, stayed relatively the same. That was that, afterward Andrea picked me up and drove us home for a late lunch. The overall experience was kind of weird in a way. I felt like the youngest person in there first of all. I realized that a lot of the folks getting treatment were not only older, but most likely in a lot worse shape then me. I could be wrong of course, but just looking around, I felt that most of them were most likely suffering from a deadlier cancer then the one I have been dealt with. Not to downplay what I have, which is serious in every sense, I just feel that on the scale of things, mine is going to be very curable, aside from the very ill side effects ahead of me. Cancer is weird thing to most people. Just hearing the word conjures up a countdown to death for most people.Like the begining of the end. I used to think the same thing, and its just not that way these day. There are over 8 millions cancer survivors living normal productive lives today. I know two in my family alone, my sister and mother in-law and another guy that I used to work with. Most families I hate to say, will be affected by it one day, in some form or another. That is when the learning begins about this disease. I have learned a bunch in the last couple of weeks. I feel lucky in one way, in that what I have, could have turned out to be something a lot worse. It could have been a cancer with very few options to treat and only a limited time to live. But it is not. Mine has not spread to anywhere else on me, and for that I am fortunate as well. Being virus based, it puts me in a higher curable percentage. Plus I am getting this new drug. These are a few of the things that made me feel just a little less anxious I guess, as I was looking around this room, that was filled with people who seemed to be in a somewhat bleaker positions then me. I could be wrong of course. Lets see how I feel a month or so from now when I am the sickest one in the room, and feeling like crap. I will let you know then as well of course. Well that's it for now. The fight is on and the countdown to March 20th has begun. Thanks to everyone. Stay posted.

Plan of Action

Tomorrow will be the beginning of my seven week treatment plan. This is how it is currently planned for now, and if everything goes well, I will be done on March 20th, the first day of spring. Week one will be just an infusion of the trial drug that I have mentioned in previous post. You can paste these links, until I figure out how to hyperlink them for now, if you want to know more about these drugs. http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/druginfo/cetuximab It takes about an hour to infuse, and this will occur for once a week for all of the seven weeks. Then next Monday, which is going to be a huge week for me. It is the start of my radiation treatments and the first of two, of what you would call chemo treatments with the drug cisplatin. http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/druginfo/cisplatin . The radiation treatments will last about 20 minutes each, and are once a day, Monday through Friday for six weeks, with two on Fridays, and those will be six hours apart. So all together, I will be getting a total of 36 radiation treatments, 7 drug infusions with cetuximab once a week, and 2 infusions with cisplatin. The cisplatin infusions are on the eighth day, and the 22nd days of treatment. If all goes well, and I am sure it will, this should be enough treatment to eradicate all the cancer cells, which are currently multiplying in my tonsil area as I type this. I will be closely monitored during all of this of course, with various scans, to make sure it is all going according to their plan. The tumor's DNA will slowly be destroyed and eliminated (with extreme prejudice) and then a recovery period, with continued scans scheduled for future months and years. The side effects vary with each person for the drugs taken, but the radiation side effects are pretty predictable. They are the crappy ones that I am mentally trying to ready myself for. Although my radiation treatments are focused and accurate. They are using what is called IMRT on me, the area around the tumor, which is relatively small, has a lot of sensitive soft tissue around it. I will not go in to the details now, but they surely do suck. I am guessing it will be a couple of months after March 20th, before I get even get back to being anything resembling my former self. Like I have stated before, I know this is beatable and will be beaten. Every doctor I have spoken to, sees no reason why this "virus" should not be eliminated with the type of treatment regiment that I will be receiving. Its going to be hell of course, but its the price I am willing to pay. It has definitely been a educational couple of weeks since my diagnosis, but the more I learn, the more comfortable I have become with the fact that I will conquer this, and I am getting the best treatment out there. Again thanks for the all the support from friends and family, and to all the people who are currently praying for me. Your words have been kind and encouraging.

Ready To Go

Well, I saw six doctors while at Stanford. I felt like a lab rat. After that, I posted my previous blog and then had some lunch. I got back to the clinic and met with the Chief of Oncology for head and neck cancer. He told me that my treatment plan was going to be perfect for my type of cancer and that the committee basically thought I was on the right path to success. He thought it was great that my treatments included the Cetuximab. I finally told him about me being selected to arm two of the clinical trial and was going to get the drug. I did not mention this to them before hand, just to get an idea about how they felt about receiving or not receiving it. He told me that I was young and well enough to get it and should be getting it. I knew then, that I was fortunate to be in the arm that was going to be getting it. It made me wonder what would I have done if I was not in the group getting the drug. Anyway, I left there reassured that I was, after everything,doing the right thing. I also felt comfortable with my decision to get things going as soon as possible now, so we could begin beating this back into oblivion. I left Palo Alto and took the scenic route back in to San Fran. My flight wasn't until 10:00 p.m. so, I had some time to kill. I headed over to Highway 1 through La Honda and up through Half Moon Bay. I did not stop until I crossed the Golden Gate Bridge. It was a cloud free day and I got some great shots of the city that I will upload here later. Got in to Atlanta, and headed straight to Piedmont. My port was scheduled to be put in this morning, and I had to check in by seven a.m. They almost needed no drugs to knock me out I was so tired. Got that taken care of and Andrea drove me back home. Took a couple of percocet's and then slept about 10 hours straight. Woke up this morning and it feels like somebody punched me in the chest. The realization of the future treatments and the painful side effects became all to real to me then. This was for real and and I now had a scar on my chest to prove it. It took a while, but later in the day, I knew I was mentally prepared for this challenge. My body was ready to take the drugs in because of the port. I am in effect, ready to go.

Greetings from California

Got in to California yesterday, and had a text message from Andrea. Called her and she confirmed with me that my concerns were over. She stated that I was slated to be in arm two of the phase three clinical trial that I agreed to be a part of. What this means, is that I would be receiving the drug cetuximab as part of my chemo and radiation treatments. This was good news to us in the fact that I had major concerns that I would not be receiving the drug, if I would have been randomized to arm one of the trial. In other words, there was only a fifty percent chance that I was going to get the drug. My roll of the dice turned out positive for me. After countless hours of research, I wanted that drug and had actually delayed my treatment start date, in my search to find out if not getting it, was a reasonable course of action. It is also part of what brought me here to Stanford. I wanted to make sure I was getting the best treatment, because my thoughts were that the first time treating this, was the best time to beat it. I did not want to come back after a recurrence a few years down the road and have to go through all of this shit again. Anyway, my first treatment starts next Tuesday the 3rd, with chemo and radiation starting the following week. My thirst for knowledge of this disease is slowly being quenched. I saw a respected doctor in Birmingham on Monday for a second opinion, and he confirmed to me that the treatment plan that I was on, would provide me the greatest chance of beating this tumor and being cancer free for good. I have just been poked and prodded by numerous doctors here in Palo Alto at Stanford U. They are now meeting and discussing my plight. I do not expect to here anything different from them, and I just might finally be at ease about my doctor's decisions and treatment plans, that they have in store for me at Piedmont. I will let you know how that goes when I get back.

The education continues.

Tomorrow I leave for the Stanford Cancer Center. Although I have received a second opinion already, and feel good about the treatment I will receive at Piedmont Hospital, the information I get at this meeting, will go a long way to help ease my mind about the steps I am taking to beat this. Check it out here. www.http://cancer.stanfordhospital.com/forPatients/services/multidisciplinaryTumorBoard/default?showVideo=fullsize

The Jouney Begins

Hello to all. This is kind of new for me, so bear with me as I try to figure this all out. As you all may know by now, I was diagnosed with tonsil cancer back on January 9th. Andrea and I are finished with trying to figure out the how and why's of this happening to me, and are moving ahead on beating this "virus" back into oblivion. This blog will be an attempt to keep all of you informed on my progress and recovery as we move down that path. You can save this link, for easy updates in the future if you want to check on my progress. I will try to write something everyday. The plan is to start my treatments next week. I am in for a helluva battle with some very shitty side effects. In the end, the prognosis is great for this type of cancer being destroyed and my hope is to be back to my regular self by the late spring or early summer. Thanks to all who have shown support with words and prayers.